Apocalyptica

I thrive on New Year's energy.

I love the sense of renewal that comes with this time of year. I know it's an arbitrary turning over of the calendar, but it always feel so full of promise and second chances to get things right, whether that comes in the form of a resolution, a new pursuit, a chance to turn a corner in your relationships or any other event in this season of possibility.

Certainly, the sense of renewal and optimism infused (and was infused) by the knowledge that the presidency was changing hands. If not clean slates, at least we would bear witness to a changing of the guard. There's much to be said about the policies and practices of the president, but putting that aside I was intensely grateful for the opportunity to go through the day without thinking about the president. I saw the new year as the first step in escaping the miasma of news and outrage that hazes around us 24/7 as a result of the (soon to be) previous administration. It has been an intensely draining 4 years for me and I can only imagine the psychic toll borne by those less privileged.

I think that regardless of the merits of the incoming president, there's a shared sense that even if he is bad, he will be bad within the known parameters of what a bad president looks like. And I hope that will still prove to be the case.

But then yesterday happened.

I had thought that since there was very little in the way of public protest after the election that we may have avoided it; subject only to weak conspiracy theories and impotent accusations of voter fraud not taken terribly seriously. The relative calm between November and now gave me a false sense of security. Seeing throngs of rioters overtake the Capitol in defiance of law and the very notion of civil society  was shocking, yet somehow simultaneously totally expected.

But it's not something I thought I would ever see in my lifetime. It brought back that apocalyptic tingle that kept me up at night before the election. This is partially because it doesn't feel over. Dark days are ahead.